u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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