My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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