the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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