You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
