You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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