my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
