you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
