My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
