you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
