Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're like the curious george of whores
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
