1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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