I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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