Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
