I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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