i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
