problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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