I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
