Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
