I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
