dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
