I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
