is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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