You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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