you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
