3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
