I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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