fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
