Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
