I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
