those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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