The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
