My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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