You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
