I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
