dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
