she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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