I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
time to smoke my breakfast
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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