Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
