I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
