Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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