based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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