Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
