hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
