i would punch a child for taco bell
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
