First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
