the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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