she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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