Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
