yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
