so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
