was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
