Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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